It used to be that I could sit and watch any movie from Miike Takeshi or Sogo Ishii. But since I become a Christian, I get much more vulnerable to cruelty, mentally or physically, exhibited in those movies. In that sense, I am weaker now.
My old rational was like what Jean-Paul Sartre said "Hell is others." In such a world, cruelty is a given, and one should train himself to get used to it, although not necessarily apply it. In some sense, I appeared stronger. But my casualty is losing all emotions together with my consciousness.
In the world of a Christian, everyone is blessed by God, whether he is a believer or seeker. This makes me much less cynical about right and wrong. Cruelties and lies are WRONG, period. They are caused by Satan, who seized the person acting that way.
Deep inside, I am now confident that I am doing the right thing and sticking to my core value, which makes me much stronger everyday.
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